Tag Archives: Flatulence

“Ode to the MacIntosh Apple”

Photo as seen online via thetreefarm.com

“Ode to the McIntosh Apple” reminiscing by Barbara Dexter

A couple of years ago when I embarked upon the vegan diet due to health concerns there was one memory from my childhood that was ever present in my mind. This shall be my “Ode to the McIntosh Apple.”

The McIntosh apple may be described as a round, red apple with an aromatic fragrance that is complimented by its sweetness with a hint of a tart.

Yes, growing up in a rural area has certain perks. For one we used to visit the local apple orchard regularly when the apples were in season. There always seemed to be a bag of juicy red McIntosh apples to snack upon after school or anytime for that matter. What was that I remember saying too often? “Mom, I’m hungry!” The reply was simply, “Have an apple”. I always wanted something else and would ask if anything else was available? The reply I received was “that is what you are getting like it or leave it”.

Then came the following day at school when the whole school knew I ate a McIntosh apple. Yes, I would break wind. No, it wasn’t a delicate, sweet and aromatic fart. It was a full blown curl your nose type. I remember the teasing “there goes Gastor” or simply “hey  Gastor”. I gradually got over the teasing. I then learned to use the flatulence to my advantage. I seemed to develop better control and could hold the gas until just the right moment when it would surprise and shock replacement teachers or new students. I also learned the advantage of flatulence in a crowded movie theatre. Just let one go and the crowd would miraculously thin. There was one point when I toyed with the idea of controlled flatulence to play a melody. I was thinking perhaps Jingle Bells or Silent Night.

Yes, age and responsibility did catch up with me. Now I can think of the time, laugh and remember control is possible. The vegan diet will not defeat me through flatulence. I can use the sulfurous gases to my advantage. Yes, for sure nothing evokes fall better than the aromatic fragrance of a McIntosh Apple.